You need to stop looking, then he will turn up, love doesn’t happen if you keep looking for it. Don’t worry, you won’t be single forever.
This was the well-meaning advice I received time and time again during what seemed a lifetime of picking the wrong men and being single.
This advice was normally forcefully offered from women who had bagged themselves a great fella, lived a seemingly perfect life in a perfect house with perfect children. What was their secret? How the hell did they do it?
See this fake smile!
I used to fake a smile and thank them through gritted teeth for their advice with a “yeah, you’re so right”
Inside, I wanted to scream, “oh just bugger off will you. It’s easy for you to say, Miss I have it all!”
Have I become that person?
Fast forward 10 years and I’ve become that person. Well, without the advice.
It’s true, love does come knocking on your door when you’re not looking, but that’s because you are so invested in your own life, looking inwards rather than looking outwards.
You are too busy having an amazing life to worry about the lack of a date or being the gooseberry.
Enough is enough
Enough was enough. I was sick of dating what can only be described as emotionally unavailable losers. Something needed to change and I quickly discovered that something was me.
I moved to London after working overseas in Dubai, where I encountered my most toxic and disastrous relationship.
London was a fresh start, a new job with a new company in a city where I knew nobody. It was perfect, my journey of self-improvement and discovery began.
Here’s what I leant that might be useful for you to know.
- I didn’t NEED a man. Ideally, I wanted someone to share my life with, but if it never happened, then that was going to be ok.
- You have to enforce self-love, as it doesn’t always come easy. Make a fancy dinner for yourself, don’t wait for visitors to show up in order to get the best knives and forks out
- Understanding my worth was a key moment for me. I always felt as though I deserved the blokes that no one else wanted. That’s simply not true for me or anyone else.
- You get what you tolerate. I tolerated crap men, and that’s exactly what I received.
- Friendships gave me the connection I needed.
- No longer would I date just anyone. If their values were misaligned to mine, then we simply weren’t a match.
- I discovered hobbies, I tried as many new things as I could. Cooking, dancing, leaning a new language to name a few. I wanted to work out what interested and energized me.
- Finally, I stopped dating emotionally unavailable losers.
- Working with a coach helped me to really understand what was triggering me to constantly date the wrong men and work out a strategy to avoid my previous patterns.
- The things I liked, I did more of.
- Things I didn’t like doing, I got rid of.
- I got rid of toxic friends, or people who didn’t uplift me.
Guess what happened when I finally
started to show myself some love?
He showed up. In fact, he pursued me. My Nan would have said he wooed me. In the early days of our relationship, I was too busy with life to worry about dating him. But his persistence paid off, and I realized that this was a man who deserved to be in my life. He would add something; a sense of fun, laughter, love and companionship (and 5 years later the pitter patter of tiny feet)
I was in love with myself so now, at long last I was ready to be in love with someone else.
If you feel impacted by the points raised in this article, book a personal coaching discovery call and find out exactly how coaching will help you. Call or text me on 07412 384 420.
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