Learning to eliminate self doubt is something that i am so passionate about. This month, I’ve been writing about all things relationships. Romantic ones, work related and the relationship you have with yourself.
This week I want to write about the relationship you have with your mind because I think this is one of the most abused (and allowed) relationships
Let’s think about it for a moment. You meet up with a friend for coffee, she greets you by telling you how much weight you’ve put on since you last met, how that jumper looks like an old bin bag on you oh and blue really isn’t your colour.
Over a brownie, You tell her about a new opportunity you are thinking about going for and she shuts you down with a “blimey, you don’t have the right experience for that and you are way too old, don’t even think about it. You would never get it anyway, not with a face like yours, I’d stop with these thoughts because you really do sound like an idiot.
You arrive home feeling like the total loser that you are and you’ve put your dreams in the bin where they belong!
What would you do next?
Well I’m hoping you would ditch her as friend right on the spot (if you wouldn’t then we really do need to talk)
You wouldn’t let a friend talk to you in this way would you? (I really hope you wouldn’t)
You would expect her to be caring, supportive, listen to your concerns and act as your cheerleader, motivating you and highlighting all the many reasons why you can indeed make this goal happen.
You would expect her to act the way a friend does, with your best interests at heart.
So why on earth do you allow this negative self-talk to go on inside your head? Why is it ok to talk to yourself so cruelly?
It has to stop now! It’s time to eliminate self doubt.
Before we go any further, ask yourself the following:
- What is this negative self-talk doing to my self-esteem?
- How is it helping me to achieve my goals?
- In what way(s) is it holding me back?
- In what way is this helping me?
- How is this voice protecting me?
- What is it helping me to avoid?
- How different would life be if I had a positive internal dialogue?
- How can I eliminate self doubt?
Ok, so now you realise you have a bit of problem on your hands.
How do you fix it?
You start by eliminating self doubt.
Step one, stop with the negative self talk, right now.
Ok, this is going to take practice. It’s taken a lifetime to programme this negative default thinking, so it’s not going to change overnight. Start by accepting something needs to change, in order for you to eliminate your self doubt.
Step two, recognise when you are abusing yourself.
Listen to the words you use to describe yourself, your actions and achievements. Once you acknowledge these key words, you can do something to change them.
Step three, notice what triggers your negative internal dialogue.
Is it work, a partner or a certain situation? The more you can identify what your triggers are, the easier it is to change them.
Step four, reframe situations, especially the words you use when talking about yourself.
“I got it wrong, therefore I’m an idiot” becomes “ok, so that didn’t work, what did I learn, how can I make it work next time?” Subtle change result in huge transformation in thinking!
Step five, learn to be kind to yourself and start showing yourself some foxy love and eliminate self doubt.
Years of negative self talk have probably made it ok for you to unkind to yourself.
What would make you feel good? Is it a bubble bath, a new outfit, a haircut, a walk in the fresh air, a good book, an early night, candles and a movie night, mobile free evenings, uninterrupted family time or a home cooked meal? What would help to eliminate your self doubt?
Start showing yourself unconditional love, give your mind and your body what it craves, because you deserve it and it’s integral to your success and happiness.
We wouldn’t and shouldn’t accept any sort of abusive relationship,
especially one your in with yourself.
If this is ringing alarm bells, it’s time to do something about it. In fact, it’s overdue! Lets eliminate that self doubt.
Ps, the person I describe in this article, used to be me, so I’m living proof you can undo years of negative self abuse.
If you are ready to take action get in touch and book your first coaching session firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are not ready to invest in coaching right now, for whatever reason, join my facebook group where you will find top tips and strategies you can adopt today, so that you too can remove this negative self talk.